Franky breaks his nearly-month-long silence

to tell us that we can get his stupid ass newsletter. Perhaps, after a holiday-inspired epiphany that YLfB is actually, as we all knew, spot on, he's decided to shelve the open-access internet shitstorm of political bile to instead concentrate on those devoted fans who receive his newest bastardization of reasonable thought.

Luckily for YLfB, Dr. Nugz is on the case: He has already subscribed to the newsletter under a cleverly-crafted psuedonym. As soon as school restarts (and we again have hours upon hours to waste on lost causes like Lasee), there'll be a chronicling of some of the newsletter gems sent out over break.

Lasee: If you want to know who the mole is, post a comment and we'll tell you.

Frank Lasee Explained

Frank claims here that "Illegal aliens take taxpayer dollars."

Explanation, by example: If Frank were a politician in the early 19th century, he'd be railing about housing and feeding the slaves.

"Merry Christmas, Frank Lasee!"

In his usual spirit of generosity and self-effacing humanitarianism (except if you don't look like him!), Frank posted a Christmas card on his blog.

After all this bullshit about pleasure and cheer and crap, Frank really gets to the point at the end. Basically, Frank wrote the card to himself ("Merry Christmas, Frank Lasee") and thinks the rest of you shouldn't be reading his blog on your free time (don't you have some work to do?) and instead should find publically-funded jobs where you have, oh, 7 free hours on the internet every day to go into Microsoft Paint and make up blog Christmas cards directed at your own holiday good cheer.

If he had any sense of work ethic, his Christmas card would've looked like mine:

Because I've got 2 minutes to kill...

Frank's confused again. As a result, we get this:

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"Politicians gave us the idea that the things we could not afford individually we could somehow afford collectively through the magic of government."

--Thomas Sowell
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Remember that one time when you wanted to get drunk, but you didn't have enough cash to buy a case of beer? Then you met up with your buddy, who also wanted to get drunk, but also didn't have enough dough. You two decided to pool your money, split the beer, and you both got drunk. Remember that?

Frank doesn't have any fucking clue how that worked out.

Frank made me stop studying

It's early December, and as all of you either unfortunate enough to be a law student yourself or, perhaps more perniciously, unfortunate enough to be friends with one, you understand that things go a little bonkers this time of year. The entropy level in the law school is high, 1Ls are flinging themselves around like it was 0G, and professors interrupt their uninterruptable walks through the hallway to respond to your idiotic question about promissory estoppel solely with a borderline-rhetorical 'well, what do you think?'

And yet, Frank doesn't even have the sympathy to give his detractors some time off. The bullshit meter is running, and therefore I ceremoniously take a break from my antitrust procrastination to wade into the dismal swamp of Lasee's mental faculties.

"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle." -Winston Churchill

If there is a God up there, Frank, he's in tears. Can't you hear him? He's like "Lasee, stop being such a fucking douchebag, run headfirst into a wall a few times and see if the agitation can't get some action going up there."

To briefly move to the actual idiocy of the quote, I'm really curious how you'd distinguish the Americans that get up every morning and go to work from the taxpayers in your metaphor. The metaphor a dead Brit used awhile ago relies on this idea of something not being able to impose a force upon itself. Wouldn't the hard-working guy who gets up early to put in a good day's work be trying to pull America up by the handle while standing inside? Would you say it's distinguishable because he's not actually pulling, or because he's not actually inside the bucket? Would you want to answer that question with a bunch of laborers around?

Once again, Lasee takes a massive dump all over the idyllic illusion of some sort of interplay between government and logic. Thanks, Frank, frankly, for being Frank: I didn't want to study Dr. Miles anyways!

Frank answers his own question, has yet to realize it.

Frank's been on a real quoting spree recently. Perhaps he's run out of independent thoughts. That, or he really thinks his "365 half-witted cluster-fucks of pseudo-political ramblings of the day" calendar is the shit. Nevertheless, here's what we got today:

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"The mystery of government is not how Washington works, but how to make it stop."

--P. J. O'Rourke

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Frank doesn't live in Washington. Frankly (haha, get it?) he thinks the place is the dumps - that's where the government resides, that's where taxes are raised, blah blah blah. Therefore, it seems fitting that Frank would finally initiate his attempted overthrow of the US government. Just imagine Frank leading his militia of redneck Packer fans to the White House.

Keep in mind, Frank, that the folk advocating anarchy are going to be the first people to lose their house under its realization. I don't see you as an exception to the rule.

The most disconcerting facet of Frank's little quote is the fact that he's figured out the mystery, but doesn't seem to have realized it. As a result of bullshit political bickering (I'm looking at you, Lasee), Wisconsin's state budget was overdue by several months this year. Political gridlock. Government stopped, because of Lasee and his band of ruffians. Mystery solved. Well played, Lasee.

Now that you've figured out that mystery, maybe you should figure out that mystery of the hallway in Brown Deer High School. You know, that one you thought the black students were having copious amounts of sex in, the one that white kids weren't allowed in. Remember that one? Me too...

How do you solve a problem like Lasee?

Tuesday, November 20, 2007
"Realize that the doctor's fight against socialized medicine is your fight. You can't socialize the doctors without socializing the patients."

--Ronald Reagan

Wednesday, November 21, 2007
"We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex--but Congress can."

--Cullen Hightower

Where does a critic even start? You can't socialize the doctors without socializing the patients? What's that mean? You can't have a government control administering health care without requiring people who need health care to become socialists? Well Frank, if that's true, and you're paid by the government, and some poor souls are your constituents, doesn't that make them socialists? What about people who go to the post office to send mail? All de facto socialists, according to Lasee according to Reagan.

Now the second quote, Frank, I'd think you'd see as a good thing: If Congress was totally ignorant of the ways our lives could be more frustrating and complex, certainly they wouldn't take that into account when they're making decisions. I think what you meant to quote from someone else is: "We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex, and Congress cannot either, so our lives keep getting more frustrating and complex!"

That being said, I do understand Frank's trying (hard but pathetically, and through the voice of another) to imply that legislatures intentionally make people's lives more frustrating and complex. For example, Dr. Lasee recently went into a school outside his district to convince them to stop allowing black kids to have sex in a school hallway. Now, those kids will have to have sex somewhere else. Moreover, instead of calling the police should a kid show up at school with a gun, Lasee proposes trying to get five school administrators together to put their thumbs against a safe to release the gun and shoot the kid. Frustrating and complex much?